Harry Potter: An Alternate Ending
by Satisfactory Revenge
Summary: Whether or not you were happy or unhappy with the ending, this is the story to make you roar with laughter and possibly put your socks in jail for suspicion of murder. All in all, Voldemort will live, Fred will live, and Harry Potter must die. please rev!


Harry Potter: Alternate Ending

INT. Hogwarts' Great Hall (ruins) – Night

CLOSE ON: Harry's face, sweaty, hair unkempt.

WIDE ON: All looking at Harry and Voldemort as they say simultaneously,

HARRRY:

Expelliarmus!

VOLDEMORT:

Avada Kedavra!

Green and Red lights come from the two wands, hitting each's chest. (B.G. Dobby waves socks frantically)

HARRY:

Ah!

WIDE ON: Everyone looks at Harry and Voldemort, shocked as Harry falls. Blue light comes from remains of spell, killing students.

ALL:

Ah!

BELLATRIX:

No! My Lord Voldemort!

Dolohov runs to Bellatrix and grabs her arm.

DOLOHOV:

Bella! No!

CUT TO:

Hermoine, sitting in the remains of the library, tears in her eyes, clutching the History of Hogwarts textbook in her hands. She looks up when a book case creaks. It promptly falls upon her as she begins to open her mouth to scream.

CUT TO:

Weasleys looking forlornly at ruins. Molly hugs Ginny, tears streaming down her face. They turn as the pale white dragon crashes through the doors, and eats all the Weasleys save Fred and George, then flies away. Fred sits up and looks around.

FRED:

Did I miss anything?

George looks up, startled.

GEORGE:

Fred!

FRED:

George, what's wrong?

GEORGE:

Fred, you're alive! Thank the

Marauders!

B.G. Lupin grins to himself.

CUT TO:

Winky sits on an elf sized stool, in the empty kitchen, crying. Several empty butter beer containers lie on the floor. Dobby suddenly apparatus.

DOBBY:

Winky! Winky, you is a bad

House Elf! Getting drunk! You must

have socks!

Dobby disappears with a crack. Dozens of socks appear, and Winky struggles, then lies still, suffocated in the socks.

INT. Hogwarts

FADE TO BLACK:

PAN: over rows of dead students in uniforms lying haphazardly on the floor in clumps.

FILCH: (O.S.)

Blasted, bloody, buggerin' boy!

I warned you all, he'd kill Mrs

Norris!

MCGONAGALL:

Filch! Be silent, you old coot!

In a sudden fury, Filch picks up a mop and impales her with it. The mysterious blue light then kills Filch. Slughorn sighs.

SLUGHORN:

Silence…at last!

DOBBY: (O.S.)

Socks! Give me your socks! Precious

socks! I love socks!

Slughorn looks around frantically then turns himself into a chair. Dobby comes up to him.

DOBBY:

Give me your socks! Sluggy

must give Dobby his socks!

No response.

DOBBY: (continued…)

Then Dobby will take your socks!

Dobby apparates with the chair. They appear in mid-air over a cliff. Chair falls and shatters. Dobby appears back at the castle, triumphantly holding a pair of dingy, grey socks.

DOBBY:

Yay! Socks! Sockies! Socks!

CUT TO:

INT. Hogwarts' Great Hall by the dais. Lupin stares at Tonks' vacant expression.

LUPIN:

Tonks! My female companion! Chocolate

will solve this dread thing!

Lupin holds out hand full of chocolate frogs. Several jump away, but he forces one into Tonks' mouth. She sits up promptly.

TONKS:

I don't want your bleedin' chocolate!

Give me a lemon sherbet!

LUPIN:

Blasphemous woman!

Lupin takes her by the hand and they apparate, appearing with Teddy and his grandmother, Andromeda.

LUPIN/TONKS:

Teddy!

CUT TO:

INT. Hogwart's Great Hall next to a dead Harry Potter. Cho sits on floor, crying.

CHO:

Everyone I love dies! Pity me!

Pity me!

FLEUR:

Cho, you must get over yourself!

Cedric only dated you a month, and Harry

has been going out with Ginny since

last year!

CLOSE ON: Harry's remains.

DOBBY: (O.S.)

Oh! Girl socks! Dobby must

have girl socks! So pretty!

O.S. two thuds can be heard. WIDE ON: mass of bodies, Fleur and Cho's included. Snape walks by, looking at Harry.

SNAPE:

Bloody boy. Hope a bludger

put him out of his misery…

Nagini pokes her head onto the screen and hisses in agreement. Suddenly, Voldemort's head appears, following the snake. He has gone crazy, and his demeanour has changed.

VOLDEMORT:

Hey everyone! Look at me!

I can be a sssssnake!

BELLATRIX:

My lord! Oh! Milord! When did

you learn obscene muggle dancing?

The Dragon is so much better!

The white dragon looks through a window with curiosity, then flies away disinterested. Dobby apparates, throwing piles of socks on the socks on the dead, spinning on his toes. Dolohov also appears, behind Bellatrix who now thinks she is a dragon. B.G. he tries to reason with her.

DOBBY:

Dobby loves socks! Socks! Socks!

I like socks! Socks are cool!

DOLOHOV:

You've all gone mad! You have!

The first war wasn't this strange!

Hagrid jumps through the aforementioned window, flailing his arms, a dead turkey in his right hand.

HAGRID:

Roar!

DRACO:

Mum! The big oaf's gone mad!

NARCISSA:

Run! Mon petit le dragon! Run!

Lucius:

Run? Run, run, run! All we ever do these

days is run!

NARCISSA:

It's a war, love. Run!

HAGRID:

Gobble, gobble!

DRACO:

He thinks he's a turkey mum! Why

should I run from a turkey?

NARCISSA:

Just run! You could be killed!

DRACO:

I'm too pretty to die!

NARCISSA:

Then run! Oh no! There's

blood and decaying remains on my robe!

I'll never get it out! And I wore

nice robes for the battle!

LUCIOUS:

Well, if you die, I'll buy

you an over-priced burial

robe!

IMAGE: Still all standing in place, Hagrid is still waving the turkey, gobbling quietly.

NARCISSA:

Would you?

DRACO:

Mum? Run!

NARCISSA:

Calm down Draco. You can't

allow moments like these to

just pass you by.

DRACO:

Why would you care about a burial

dress? You'd be dead!

LUCIOUS:

Draco, quit correcting your mother!

IMAGE: Grop comes in behind Hagrid, making a significantly larger hole in the wall.

GROP:

Roar!

MALFOYS:

AH!

HAGRID:

Gobble!

DRACO:

Wait a mudblooded minute! I'm a wizard!

Poof!

IMAGE: Draco apparates.

LUCIOUS:

Why didn't I think of that?

DOBBY:

Old Master likes socks? He

must like socks! Socks!

GROP/HAGRID:

Roar!

DOBBBY:

No sockies for a big oaf!

IMAGE: Dobby, Lucius, and Narcissa apparate.

CUT TO:

EXT. Hogwarts Castle. Morning. Grassy area. Characters have assembled after escaping Hagrid.

VOLDEMORT:

Hiss! Hiss!

IMAGE: Snape sighs, others look frightened.

SNAPE:

And I thought he was

psychotic before the war.

DOLOHOV:

Comrade, never have you

been more correct!

IMAGE: Bellatrix imitating a flying dragon.

BELLATRIX:

Roar!

SNAPE:

She still thinks she's a dragon?

IMAGE: Nagini nods.

NAGINI:

Hiss! Hissss!

ANGLE ON: Dolohov looks at Nagini nervously.

DOLOHOV:

Uhm…

NAGINI:

Hissssss!

SNAPE:

Yes then?

NAGINI:

Hiss.

CUT TO:

INT. Hagrid's house. Morning. Around the fireplace.

IMAGE: Dobby dances around the fire maniacally.

DOBBY:

Je te plumerai les

chaussettes!

FADE TO BLACK:

INT. Ministry of Magic, morning.

FUDGE:

Harry Potter died miscasting

a first year spell? 

UMBRIDGE:

I did warn them all of

his spell casting faults.

IMAGE: Dobby apparates into the room.

DOBBY:

Mistress Toad should not insult

Master Harry Potter sir. Dobby will

forgive thick chocolate and Toad if they

give Dobby socks! Pretty socks!

UMBRIDGE:

I will not give a bloody elf

my woollen socks!

DOBBY:

Then Dobby must retrieve socks on his

own accord!

ZOOM IN: to Dobby's face.

FADE TO BLACK:

Dull thud is heard. EXT. Hogwarts Castle, morning.

VOLDEMORT:

Hiss! Voldy, mouldy Voldemort!

BELLATRIX:

Roar!

SNAPE:

I heard Hagrid and Grop

were taken into custody.

They had to have two teams of

aurors to tie them down in St.

Mungos Magical Creatures

Psych Ward earlier today.

DOLOHOV:

Yes, I heard that too.

Ridiculous. Bloody ridiculous.

NAGINI:

Hiss. Hiss.

DOLOHOV:

I'm not a bloody parseltoungue.

I don't understand a word

you're saying!

SNAPE:

She is simply agreeing with you.

DOLOHOV:

Then she should say so!

BELLATRIX:

Roar!

VOLDEMORT:

Hiss!

IMAGE: Dobby appears, triumphantly waving socks.

DOBBY:

Socks!

FADE TO BLACK:

IMAGE: Dumbledore's head appears in middle of screen.

DUMBLEDORE:

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!


End file.
